My ground.

Friday, November 6, 2009 9:15 PM

5 more to go! JIAYOU!

I felt blissful these days because at least there are people who did not shun away from me. I am a skunk you know? Thanks to those who helped me along the way!

My motivation is thinking about the fun I will have with dear. Hope our stay-over will work out just fine! I want to watch many many movies with dear and go out together to shop, drink and chat in cafes, and study together! (x Hope this little wish will come true, afterall I still need to worry about my diagnosis after the check up. So I want to have much fun before I get any bad news. HAHA life is short, I discovered abruptly. Hopefully dear knows that I hope she won't pangseh me, or else I'll die of loneliness.

I realised that friends and family are indeed the most important people to me. I swear to treasure them and love them as much as I can.Thomas! Wana tell you that I am forever with you to bring you through this crisis! Jiayou and don't give up! I LOVE YOU! ❤

Anyway, goodluck for all for the Olevels! 7 more days to freedom so press on! GO GO GO!
haha although I do not have much hope anymore, and that I can kiss njc goodbye, I still want to hang on to the hope that my L1R5 can get at least same as my prelims.

SO LONG~ ^^

Sunday, October 25, 2009 12:28 AM

I can never expect things to go this awry

A lot of things happened in my family this week.
I felt pangs of truth in every news.
Many thoughts began pounding at me with unrelenting force, and I have no idea how to expel them.
My paternal and maternal side suffered losses, bereavement of a loss one and a diagnosis of ill health.
Why do bad things always happen to the best people, and those whom I love?
It takes only a day to make everyone swirl into darkness.
Everyone became melancholy, and nothing could quell the anguish.
The cruel reality of the unknown future rushed in, wrapping a frosty grip around me.
As grief strafted our hearts, a new emotion surged into our conscious - we should learn to cherish our loved ones.

I only hope for:
1. Every diagnosis to turn out fine, including mine and my loved ones.
2. The mourning ones to cope with the loss one.
3. A brighter tomorrow.

JEAN
*may there be light.

Friday, October 16, 2009 6:36 PM

Everytime I wake up, its your face I imagine.
A whole day of loneliness I have to endure.
There, here, wherever.
I comfort myself with the company of my shadow,
and at least I am 'not alone'.
Maybe one day I will find the jigsaw puzzle,
where I can fit in to make a wonderful image.
The future I yearn, must have what I wish for.
I would never want to be left out, lest alone.
goodbye, my friends.
This time, let you see me walk away from behind.
안녕 내 친구.

Friday, October 9, 2009 5:05 PM

If I knew what was coming my way, I would have brought lots of tissues to blow my nose.

If I knew my heart was going to hurt that much, I would not have made that terribly wrong decision. I was too stupid, thinking that I could merge in with the class, yet in the end, I was like a PABO, tagging along when my presence was not wanted, not known. How could they actually do that to me? I might have expected that, but I didn’t know that would really happen. Even if I’m really the outcast of the class, they should not do that to someone that has done nothing wrong. They happily walk, they merrily talk, they gloatingly forget that I was with them. I was walking in front, thinking they will follow up. Yet I was 100m away but they stood there without noticing that I had walked out on them. So I stood there waiting for them to catch up, my eyes welled up in tears. When I turned back again to see, they had left. I’m the one to blame. If I had not foolishly go along with them uninvited, I wouldn’t have felt so much pain. But no matter how much agony I’m going through, I will not let those useless tears fall, because I was the one who inflicted all these retributions on me…

不是我不说就不在意空等候，
原來你沒想像中那么懂我。
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受，
你们的存在讓我更寂寞！

挥霍我的期待，从不放心上。
我有一丝无奈，也有一些明白-
（我）该离开。

不是我不说就不在意空等候，
原來，你沒想像中那么懂我。
我不能再从你们的存在感觉到什么。
不懂我,別再說,假裝懂，那是撒鹽在傷口。
我才懂不是我不心痛，其实是心沒了感受。

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 7:53 PM

I wonder what I put up the tag board for…

A report on my results:

I made an improvement in the prelims this time. So I was improving gradually throughout this year.

Sciences were pretty shocking. I expected myself to score badly for chemistry, average for biology and well for physics. In the end it was all reversed. Bio was unexpectedly above my expectations, chemistry was pure luck, and physics was hapless. Careless mistakes, misreading of questions were abound.

Maths results were not up to satisfactory standards. Elementary maths was pretty ok but it was jaw-dropping for additional maths. Geez I practised more of AM than EM but in the end my hard work did not pay off.

Humanities were in a wreck! I really need to buck up in it man. If I get a b4 for O-levels, I can kiss NJC goodbye.

English was pretty ok. My comprehension paper was horrible, but luckily my composition was pretty good. What a relief. Chinese… I admit my Chinese standards are not good in anyway, so I am satisfied already. A load off my mind!

I lost to my competitors but I hope I can win them over in the O-levels.
To those who did not well, I hope you all can face adversity with a positive outlook! All the best and lets all work hard for the final lap together!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009 2:59 PM

刚看过我爸的日记，眼泪哽着喉咙，不知何故就涌出来。
没想过他那么辛苦，那么劳累。
他为我们家真的付出好多。
每天都奔波，从南跑到北，又到西才回东。
不是做粗工，就是去店帮忙。不是载我们，就是载货物。
他，真的很可怜。
我老是对他没礼貌，动不动就发他的脾气，
对他大小声，嫌他烦，笨，慢，吵，老土。
他有求于我，我帮的心不甘，情不愿。
我有求于他，他总是笑眯眯的点头，为我两肋插刀，赴汤蹈火，不求回报地帮我。
可是我总是依赖他。
要不是他每天风雨不改地叫我起床，宁可失眠也不要我迟到，我也不会准时到校府。
要不是我迟到后他总是赶快牺牲力气和时间载我到学校，
我到校府后，大半天都过了。
要不是他老是安静默默的付出，我早就变烂了。
要不是他在我出生以后对我充满爱与关怀，我都不知我会变得怎样。
不是说妈没付出，只是她的贡献总挂在她的嘴边，所以我不会感到如此惊讶。
他真的好爱我们哦。
爸，谢谢你对我们的付出，
这16年来抚养我，支持我，鼓励我，处处让我，疼我，为我费心费劳。
绝世好爸，衷情男人，稀有品种。
怎么会有另一个他？
他把生命的一点一滴都记录下来，读得我心痛得很。
他写的那么详细，他做了什么，到了什么地方，还有我们的家庭聚会。
像是他的人生故事一样，也像遗书，看得我又笑又哭。
我第一次发现我爸好可爱，
但又发现他选了一本比较薄的书，也发现他的日子不多了。
他能写的，他能留下的也不多了。
他赐给我最棒的就是这生命。
我一定要珍惜他，我自己，还有回忆，以及未来的岁月，时光，相处的机会。
我要报答他，让他享福，开心，无忧无虑地活下去。
为了达到这目的，我得发奋图强，赚很多的钱，与他去旅行，逛街，
腾出很多时间陪他，聊天。
爸，我爱你！
*我也要写一本。就从今天我的生日开始，直到永远。。。

ANYWAY…
Thanks for the yummy celebration at pizza hut, ‘Aw family’!
Thanks for the wishes:
Dennis, Yi Jie, Jia Yu, Teoh Yi, Felicia, Vivien, Yan Ting, Vincent, Sin Yi, June!
And Sixfold for the present! I love them all! (: I’ll put the sixfold family photo inside the photo frame, use the mug often, and ‘eat’ the ‘biscuit’!

Wishes, I’ve got 3.
1. I hope I will mature and grow from this point on. I hate my childish self.
2. I wish for straight A1s for Olevels (except HCL), good results for prelim, and a Good Progress Award to finance my studies in Korean.
3. May the people I love and cherish be healthy and get what they want, including myself even though I don’t really love and cherish myself.

Saturday, September 5, 2009 1:59 PM

is like a card game.
who wins,
who loses,
who ties.
no limit on players,
many obligations,
no right or wrong.
the one who loses is the one who gives up first.
Be strong and be a WINNER IN LOVE.